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Monday, January 30, 2012

We’re Cold As Ice, We’re Willing To Sacrifice…Our Health

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“I’m freezing my ass here, mum”
“Couldn’t sleep at night because I was shivering from the cold”
“Wait wait, can’t type now, my fingers have just froze up”

These are the usual phrases that make our friends and families raise their eyebrows and ask: “Where? In Malta?!”. Who could ever thought that winter in Malta is so unbearable and highly increased humidity and extremely cold houses will start slowly killing us. We came here with the intention to enjoy never-ending summer but what we got was sinusitis and clothes which completely dry in 5 days and have the stink of the wet dog.
Maltese houses just can’t heat up during the day and it’s no way for you to enjoy a warm night. Oh, hell, you can’t even enjoy a warm day inside. The most ironic moment was when my friend and I were sitting in the balcony, enjoying sun in our short sleeves and every time we wanted to go inside we had to put on some clothes. So, what’s wrong with these houses? The biggest problem is vents which are basically holes in walls sucking in cold air and not releasing it outside. We started stuffing those holes with towels, covering it with a plastic bag or duck tape. Nothing helped. At least now we can admire amazing flora and fauna growing on our bathroom ceiling.
Second attempt to get warm was switching on an ancient heater. It looks really pathetic and has a grill which heats up and starts threatening to burn your skin, your clothes and your house. Weeeell, I sincerely don’t think that those stone monsters burn…
Heaticus Sovieticus
Third thing which helps us to get some sleep at night was invented by my mum. And probably by many other mothers. Bless our amazing mothers! Without you we would freeze to death, use drugs and roll our eyes less… So the amazing thing is just a simple plastic bottle filled with hot water. Roll it in under your blanket and enjoy first warm 5 hours. The funniest thing is our little conversations in the morning when we discuss previous night and my friend usually tells us how she was hugging her plastic friend all night. 
You might think that our house is cursed or that we live in some kind of a shed where you can see sunset through your walls. Hell no! The same situation is at our University. Everyone sits with their coats, hats and mittens on. Come on, it’s not a first winter in Malta. Do something about the heaters! I remember one lecture when Maltese girl opened a window which caused a horrible draught directly to our necks. My friend turned around and asked her politely to close the window cause it’s getting extremely cold. That girl just looked at us and said that it’s too hot for her inside. Take one of your five jumpers, would you?!
So now we live with the hope that it’s going to get warmer in the middle of February and we will finally be able to take off our woolen socks. Cause, believe me, woolen socks and flip flops are far from couture.

3 comments:

David said...

Sad, but true. They don't tell you about these freezing houses in the brochures. But I am told that things should warm up in about a month if that's any consolation

Diagnosis Malta said...

If we aren't dead by that time...

John said...

Heaticus Sovieticus
ahahah :D

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