|Yes you are...Yes.You.Are...|
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
It is time…it is time to tell you about THE Shortcut. You might have heard of it, you might have even tried to cross it or maybe after this story you will feel the urge to test your ability to survive while walking through it.
Basically, it’s a really horrible pathway connecting University and San Gwann. At first you have to slide down the rocky hill to get on the track. This is the place where my friend kissed a rock with her spine. Painful even to watch… So you move forward, cross some kind of a gates in the prison fence, get through the bushes (or trees, hard to tell). And here it is! A ditch with huge rocks which, as we painfully learned later, is nothing but a river bed for a mighty Amazon which gets back to life on every rainy day. As it is pitch dark at night we always have to light our path with mobile phones. Otherwise, you might step into a dog poop or face a chicken. Yeah, you’ve read it right – A FREAKIN CHICKEN. I’ve almost stumbled on her and she didn’t even care to move. Ok, I admit, I was spooked at first, that’s why I’ve screamed like a little girl and then tried to scare that damn creature away. I guess she was laying an egg or something... Back to the worst part – the Amazon. It’s almost impossible to keep your feet dry on even a slightly rainy day. All the shortcut just starts to roar from the water. My friends have almost survived a really really really rainy night while getting back through the shortcut. Actually, it’s pretty hard to get on the streets when it starts to rain here. Everything just gets flooded. Now I’m pretty sure how it feels when tsunami strikes...
Posted by Diagnosis Malta at 2:16 PM
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
So, last week we had our first individual presentations. We’ve been a little bit suspicious when lecturer asked to send him our finished work cause, as everyone knows, none of the rooms have a computer. The lecture started with the hope that our tutor will bring his laptop and after blowing dusts from the projector everyone will start their walk towards guillotine. As you’ve already suspected one of the gentlemen in the crowd had to volunteer and give his laptop for a public use. That’s not a worst part. The projector which was connected to the computer kept switching off every 3-5min in this way bringing more stress to every presenter. The only way to revive that bloody thing was to unplug it and plug it again. Everyone had a 5 min presentation to deliver. Can you imagine yourself talking in front of the crowd of 26 people, shacking as hell, trying to remember what you want to say and being interrupted by this “little” technical difficulty? I was the last one to get my 5 minutes of glory. Unfortunately, after 3,5 hours of use laptop’s battery was running low and I could clearly see that there won’t be enough energy for my presentation. I had million of ideas running through my head, such as, making a dash for my laptop at home, killing someone, crying. I’ve even remembered that lecture without electricity and was ready to test my ability to talk without visual material. In the end another coursemate offered her super small laptop and I was given an opportunity to tremble in front of my colleagues. Can’t wait for another presentation…
Posted by Diagnosis Malta at 6:36 PM
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Even though, I’m an Eastern European and I suppose to be familiar with all the technologies from the Middle Ages, there were only few times I’ve seen this thing ->
And in the University of Malta you can find the head projector [that’s how it’s called] in every room. Even one of my tutors [I dropped his lecture eventually] was using transparent paper slides with the text he written by HAND. It could be understandable, cause he is around 80 years old, but why then he was talking about innovation and that good managers have to adapt to the changing world all the time? “Excuse me, sir. I’ve heard about this really innovative thing they have in the West. It’s called PowerPoint!”
Almost every day our tutors struggle to connect their mini laptops to the TV or the projector in the room. You haven’t experienced student life in the University of Malta to the fullest if you hadn’t seen those friendly men in their blue shirts and knitted vests who fly in and use their magical remote control to make everything work in the room. Thanks guys! I’m being serious now, if weren’t those men our lecturers would still be swearing in Maltese and pushing all the buttons.
I just adore one lecture where my tutor switches off the projector and starts reading information from the book while adding some pointless statements such as “Disabled people – people with disabilities” or “You know…I don’t know”.
Today we had presentations delivered in one of the lectures and suddenly electricity went off. So my coursemates continued to present their material with the hope that electricity will turn on every second. Since our university, apparently, doesn’t have a generator, we spent an hour listening to the speech about the Museum of Fine Arts, with no visual material. I just want to remind you that it was a presentation about MUSEUM OF FINE ARTS. You know what upsets me the most? That Lidl has a freakin generator but not the University of Malta…
Oh yeah, don’t forget the IT technologies in the library. I will try not to expand on the fact that they still use Windows XP, or the time a lovely lady with insanely long nails explained to us that the problem why we couldn’t print out one paper is because the file was in PDF… Cause, you know, I don’t know… From that day we sworn to ourselves never ever ever use the printers in the library. And we keep this promise by not entering it at all…
Posted by Diagnosis Malta at 8:10 PM
Monday, November 21, 2011
Did anyone else notice the problem with flies that Malta has? Not even our little shelter in a countryside I had to visit if I’ve wanted to go ‘number two’ contained such amount of flies. They’re everywhere: crawling on my toast, washing their legs in my friend’s tea, enjoying a boogie-woogie on my face when I try to sleep. Ok, I admit it’s pretty funny to see those bastards exploring your coursemate’s head or attacking your lecturer [the only entertainment during the lectures].
My friend and I are constantly going on a killing spree with rolled Lidl brochures, but still no visible results. They're just keep flying in and chasing each other in the air. Seriously, we spent like 10min watching this incredible phenomena. And they’re smart as hell! I’ve heard that Polish guys hung a sticky tape [the miracle of the 21st century as my friend calls it] in their room but the flies just maneuvered around it like damn ninjas. Don’t get me even started on a mosquito issue… It’s almost December and few moments ago I saw one buzzing somewhere to chill before the another silent midnight blood hunt.
Posted by Diagnosis Malta at 12:53 AM
What are you doing here? Oh yes, reading about my fabulous adventures and disturbing experiences HERE. Where? Malta, jeeeezz…
Just be patient and you’ll hear unbelievable and funny (let’s hope so) stories such as the time I robbed Lidl or the day the whole Savemart went crazy.
But sometimes I'm not even able to laugh…
Posted by Diagnosis Malta at 12:16 AM